The Sobering Truth About Parenting and How God Sees You

I am a firm believer that as parents (and guardians), we are responsible for guiding and supporting our children towards fulfilling their life’s purpose, rather than manipulating their future life course.

Contrary to what some parents may feel, children are not prized possessions; they are on loan to us for a season. They were not created to be replicas of ourselves. Children, from conception, have their own unique identity and personhood. Therefore, it’s an honor and weighty responsibility to nurture children into becoming emotionally intelligent, compassionate, empathetic, and productive human beings. And this privilege comes from God.

You didn’t come from your parents, you came through your parents

While mulling over this truth, I came across an inspiring and challenging message by Lance Wallnau that speaks volumes about our godly heritage and how parents and guardians shape our life story. Please read on to uncover some deep truths.

Sometimes somebody might come into the world through parents that are divorced or a mother that put them up for adoption, or they could even be the victim of incest or rape or something terrible like that. You know, not everyone comes through the earth in a fairytale story.

BUT…

You didn’t come from your parents, you came through your parents, God is the one who brought you into the world. I love that.

You didn’t come from your parents. You may have had loving parents, you may have had good parents, but you didn’t come from your parents, you came through your parents. God is the one who brought you into history at this time.

• Whatever age you are, you are exactly the age God wanted you to be in 2015.
• Whatever gender you are, you are exactly the gender God wanted you to be in 2015.
• Whatever race or nationality or color of skin you are, you are who God brought you into the earth to be in this hour in history.

You are at the right place in the right body with the right gender in the right nationality with the right skin tone. And if you are a Christian, then your parents may have been the delivery vehicle through which God brought you into the world.

You came from God. God wanted you to exist. God wanted you to be here. God has gifts and talents that he has given you. And he has given them to you because He wants you to be an extension and expression of the goodness of God to other people’s lives.

God is putting the fragments of your story together so that your story will have a better next chapter than you possibly could ever imagine.

God is positioning you in your prayers. Please pray. Pray for God to put you at the right place with the right people at the right time.

Be faithful in everything that God gives you. Be faithful to honor everything. Put your faith into fruitless situations simply because by serving as unto the Lord, serving as unto God, and not unto people, serving as unto the Lord and not unto a ministry or person, but making the Lord your client. Every time you work with a client, treat them as though it was Jesus and do it by faith because God will be working through those people to connect you to His divine appointments.

Tell me, were you as blessed by these powerful truths as I was?

Do Not Despise These Small Beginnings

What you sow today will manifest tomorrow. So be intentional about all you do; your health, family, relationships, career, and business opportunities must respond to the effort and labor you put in today. Create realistic goals and action plans that will encourage your success. Think big, start small.

Nothing happens by accident
A compassionate, loving adult learned these virtues as a child. A vibrant, radiant soul is a product of a positively-nourished mind and spirit. Healthy hair and skin are manifestations of what we feed our bodies. You see, it’s important to take control of your life by implementing habits and routines that are consistent with the future you want to see for yourself.

What parenting taught me about seeking the future I want
My parenting experience has taught me that life is somewhat predictable. Children respond extremely well to structure and consistency, to the extent that you can predict their behavior. Kids thrive in loving and nurturing environments where they know it’s okay to play, fall, and push the boundaries. They also appreciate discipline, with the caveat that it’s consistent and modeled by unconditional acceptance. So don’t look at structure and consistency as being boring, they are gateways to success and predictable results. And who doesn’t like to see results?

Good habits are safety nets for success
I consider strong habits as “safety nets” for success. Good habits encourage predictable results. They allow you to explore your potential in a structured way. Decide today what you want your future to look like and begin forming habits and routines to materialize your goals. Don’t focus on lofty or grandiose goals. Start small. As you begin to see results, you’ll be inspired to push for bigger goals.

In all your getting, be kind and patient with yourself; do not despise these small beginnings … begin the work.

Because My Daddy Said So…

Ever had to contend with your kid’s reasoning:

Because my daddy (or mommy) said so?

As Princess Z continues to transition from toddler to “big girl” (because she’s no longer a “little girl”), her reasoning powers and surprisingly logical arguments keep me on my toes.

I find myself having to focus more on hearing and listening to what she says because tuning out the loudness doesn’t cut it anymore. When I don’t pay attention, I find myself in precarious situations having to explain a comment or promise I made while not listening—anything I say can and will be used against me!

In comes the “because my daddy said so” reasoning. Princess Z is fast realizing that she can pitch her arguments better when she uses daddy’s word as evidence to back up a need (because to her, everything is a need not a want).

So when she needs to watch TV, play iPad, go for a walk at bedtime, eat ice cream, not sleep…she’ll throw in “because my daddy said,” hoping that this justifies her need. And I can’t always say no; I have to choose my battles carefully, otherwise I’ll be constantly arguing; toddler kids are relentless!

All in all, this drives home the importance of being consistent as parents and keeping a united front. The kid is watching and listening and will use what we say against us!

Is your kid outsmarting you?

Stop, Think, and Act: Teaching Kids About Emotional Intelligence

It’s never too early to teach children how to manage their emotions. A large and growing body of research demonstrates that emotional intelligence is associated with positive outcomes in children beginning as early as preschool.

According to Daniel Goleman, author of the best-selling book Emotional Intelligence:

Emotional intelligence is a different way of being smart. It includes knowing what your feelings are and using your feelings to make good decisions in life. It’s being able to manage distressing moods well and control impulses. It’s being motivated and remaining hopeful and optimistic when you have setbacks in working toward goals. It’s empathy; knowing what the people around you are feeling. And it’s social skill—getting along well with other people, managing emotions in relationships, being able to persuade or lead others.

Increasing Emotional Literacy

A big aspect of emotional intelligence is teaching kids how to appropriately identify and label their emotions. By developing and expanding their emotional literacy (vocabulary), children can adequately focus on discovering and defending their true selves. And we know that confident children are less easily swayed by negative peer pressure influences.

With bullying and hate speech rampant in our society, we must teach our children how to nurture their inner voice. Identity is so crucial to a prosperous and healthy soul; personally, I don’t want society defining who or what my child is or will become.

The Stoplight Technique for Impulse Control

There are numerous techniques for cultivating a culture or environment of healthy emotional responses in children. One such technique called “The Stoplight” teaches kids about impulse control and how to respond when distressed, upset, or facing a problem.

Credit: Daniel Goleman

The Stoplight offers children concrete steps for dealing with challenging situations:

Red light—Stop!
Calm down and think before you act

Yellow light—Think!
Say the problem and how you feel
Set a positive goal
Think of lots of solutions
Think ahead to the consequences

Green light—Act!
Go ahead and try the best plan

I’ll be sure to implement this strategy next time my daughter acts up or is in distress.

I Feel Way Up Blessed

My Princess Z gifted me with this gorgeous flower straight from her imagination. To some, it may appear simplistic; to me, it’s symbolic of her compassion and maturity.

She knows I love flowers, so this is her way of telling me she sees and values me. I feel blessed, wayyy up blessed.

#Blessed #WayUpBlessed

365 Moments (D4): I’ve Never Been So Excited to See Poop!

Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the actual poopy pile

The transition to solid foods hasn’t been easy for my Prince. He’s been plagued with constipation ever since beginning solids a few weeks ago. We’ve kept his nutrition pretty basic, offering fibre-rich veggies, fruit, and water, yet his digestive system remains somewhat sluggish.

Constipation sucks.

Especially in a frustrated lethargic infant. We’ve tried the usual tricks: leg raises, water, food holiday, but after 2.5 days, nothing.

Under doctor’s advisement, we gave our Prince diluted prune juice and waited for the tract-cleansing powers to kick in.

Hallelujah, after a few hours of stinky false-alarm farts, my baby boy pooped, a big ol healthy poo. You could immediately see the relief on his face followed by voracious hunger.

We accomplished sh!t today and it was a glorious.

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This post is part of an ongoing series: Quick Tips for Creating a 365-day Motivation Guide

Tales From 2AM Feedings: Naps Are Overrated, Anyway

There’s this sacred window of opportunity where I’m winning the battle of sleeps with my tired fussy baby.

I’ve fed him, changed him, shushed him, prayed over him; his droopy eyes and limbs seem to be cooperating.

As his body goes limp, I know it’s now or never. Delicately, I lay him to sleep, secretly rejoicing for this gift of solitude.

Success! I know he’s tired. He needs his sleep. I do the math and estimate about a 2-hour nap.

My heart races with joy thinking of all the things I can squeeze into 2 hours: reading, workout, writing, chilling, cooking, shower… excited, I brew some hot tea and open my laptop to maybe write or catch up on some reading.

Ahh, bliss.

“ahh-hek ahh-hek aaaa aaaa …” 

Annnnd the whimpering begins.

Quiet and faint at first, like a distant train. My ears must be playing tricks on me. He can’t be awake, I just put him to sleep 15 minutes ago.

The whimpering gains full steam and before you know it it’s full on wailing—the train has arrived.

“Wouaaa wouaaa wu wu wouaaaaaaaaaa WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

As quickly as my dreams of mommy time formed, they fade away. The peace and quiet dissipate. Time to throw away that tea.

Naps are overrated anyway. I’ll dream again tomorrow.

365 Moments (D2): Writing Numbers is as Easy as 1-2-3

Princess Z learning to write numbers

It’s so lovely to watch Princess Z get excited about learning new things.

Whenever we learn—because learning is as much about her as it is about me—I try to create a fun, safe, and non confrontational environment. My daughter is super hard on herself, so I’m quick to reassure her that it’s okay to make mistakes.

Today we practiced writing numbers. I wasn’t sure how she’d respond to the challenge, but boy was I impressed by her willingness to learn. It took her about 30 minutes to confidently write 1-2-3-4. What a superstar! This was definitely a magic moment for both of us.

I was reminded once again that the minds of children are like “little sponges” that soak up knowledge. I have to be way more intentional about the time we spend together so that she effectively capitalizes on this beautiful season of rapid neuronal development. #ProudMama #MyDaughterIsAwesome

365 Moments (D1): How Does Parental Leave Rank in Your Nation?

Remember when I wrote about creating a 365-day motivation guide of magical moments? Well today’s gratitude or magical moment comes courtesy of the generous parental leave and “cheap” daycare options available in Quebec, Canada.

To date, one of my greatest joys has been the one-year maternity leave I’ve been able to spend with each of my kids, a notion that sounds foreign and breeds envy amongst many.

Granted the pay has not been spectacular, and hardly compares to the potential wages earned with full-time employment; still, the TIME spent is priceless! I get to enjoy motherhood without the stress of struggling for a pay cheque.

• Aside: Paid maternity leave isn’t “free:” I earned it via hours worked and tax contributions.

With these family friendly policies in place, I have been able to spend the first year of my children’s lives exclusively at home—a privilege that many other nations are not yet afforded, including the U.S.

Take a look at the global maps below (courtesy of WORLD Policy Forum) to get a better indication of where your nation stands with regards to paid parental leave.

Source: worldpolicyforum.org/policies

Source: worldpolicyforum.org/policies

Source: worldpolicyforum.org/policies

Quick Tips for Creating a 365-day Motivation Guide

Make a wish. Reflect on the magic moments.

Remember when you were a kid and would blow dandelion wishes? I still do with my Princess Z. I love watching her cheeks puff up as she blows at the fluffy dandelion head and screams with glee as the white fuzz floats away.

You see, each day carries divine magical moments begging to be redeemed. Our challenge is to (1) identify, (2) write down clearly, and (3) treasure these enchanting moments.

My understanding is that if you commit to this daily practice, you’ll have 365 beautiful reminders of God’s goodness and faithfulness. Wouldn’t it be awesome to constantly renew your mind with your own life-affirming stories? So when you’re feeling low, defeated, or discouraged, you can feed your spirit by rehearsing back these special moments.

What were your magic moments for today? Mine were:

1. Seeing my baby boy lunge from a seated position (huge milestone).
2. Having my baby girl “read” to me at bedtime (she enjoys making up stories based on book illustrations).