Why Do We Remember the Good More Than the Bad?

Why is it that people tend to focus more on their failures than successes?
What is it about the human psyche that causes us to remember the bad more than the good?
Why do we beat up on ourselves when we make mistakes, while fleeting past our victories?

It’s that 1 negative thing …

In any given day, I may accomplish much, but it’s the 1 negative thing or interaction that leaves a lasting imprint on my mind. It’s that 1 single mistake that keeps replaying in my head, ignoring all the other positive events of the day.

I recently had such a day. I’d done many things well, but didn’t hit the mark on another task. So I lamented over my presumed incompetence: “Why, why, why didn’t you think things through?” I chastised myself.

Reality check

As I continued to replay this broken record, it suddenly dawned on me how self-indulgent I was being. Because within the same day, I had shared a very intimate conversation with a young man who’d lost his father to prostate cancer, and found out 6 months later that his mother had lung cancer.

Talk about a reality check! Here I was feeling sorry for myself, when I could be grateful for the privilege of having shared such a personal and honest conversation. It was humbling how this young man spoke about his experience with such boldness and courage.

Is it human nature?

So I ask again, why do we remember the bad more than the good?

“It’s in human nature,” says social psychology Professor Roy Baumeister, whose research states that, “Bad emotions, bad parents, and bad feedback have more impact than good ones. Bad impressions and bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones.”

Communication Professor Clifford Nass provides further insight on this, “The brain handles positive and negative information in different hemispheres. Negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones. Thus, we tend to ruminate more about unpleasant events—and use stronger words to describe them—than happy ones.”

5 good for every 1 bad

So it’s not just me. I’m not crazy or unusual for focusing on negative experiences. I don’t need to beat myself up when things go wrong. Plus, it’s refreshing to note that positive thinking and living isn’t just a soft and fluffy feel-good term, it’s cerebral, and necessary for healthy balanced living.

According to Professor Baumeister, “Many good events can overcome the psychological effects of a bad one.” The ratio is apparently 5 goods for every 1 bad, which is a great reminder that we need to show more love and compassion for others and ourselves.

Related articles:

• Bad is stronger than good
• Praise Is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall

Don’t Let the Big Bad Wolf Scare You

Public speaking scares me. Being in the spotlight can be blinding. Meeting brilliant, super accomplished people can do a number on my bowels.

Picture your first job interview or your first class presentation. Imagine the first time you met your childhood “idol,” your first love, a “celebrity,” or even your mother-in-law … did scary thoughts of, “How should I behave? Will I sound sophisticated? Will I project the ‘right’ image?” whiz through your head?

The best advice I ever received on how to handle intimidating or larger-than-life personalities was from my husband, who reminded me: they are just people! 

They breathe the same air, and just like me, they pee, they poop, they bleed, they cry, they laugh …

When I allow my mind to wander into “woe is me” territory, to an insecure place where I psyche myself out into a tizzy, I’m only fighting me.

Today, when I get nervous about meeting high profile individuals, I simply remind myself, “They are just people!”

How do you handle intimidating situations?

Read and grow:

• The Best Advice I Ever Got
• Study the Greats. And Become Greater.
• The Best Advice I’ve Ever Received

Copyright © 2012 Uwana.

What Came First: Life or Purpose?

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We’re all familiar with the age-old riddle: What came first, the chicken or the egg? This seemingly simple question has tormented philosophers, scientists, and humanity for centuries.

I dare to pose a similar question: What came first, life or purpose?

My mantra is, “Every life has a purpose.” And get this: our purpose was birthed before we were born! God saw a need in the world and then we were born to fulfill it … nobody is a mistake!

Don’t miss your promised land

If you don’t know the purpose of your life, you could spend years in frustration, trekking through life with a defeatist mentality. The road called “fear of failure” is paved with missed opportunities, unfulfilled dreams, and miserable relationships. Don’t be like the people of Israel who wandered the desert for 40 years, on a journey that should have taken 11 days. Don’t be so crippled by doubt and fear that you miss your promised land—a land filled with possibilities, purpose, fulfillment, prosperity, and joy and love for God, yourself, and people.

Don’t despise the days of small beginnings

Some people know their purpose, but choose to fight against it. Some see themselves as unqualified or unworthy, or worry that their purpose is not lofty or grandiose enough to make a difference in the world. To these people I say:

• “Get your mind out of the desert! Be bold. Have faith like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of all garden plants and becomes a tree!” (Matthew 13:32)

I enjoy using the “birth” of my blog, Uwana, to illustrate this principle.

• Uwana began as an idea that grew into a vision
• Uwana began with 1 post, 1 visitor, 1 like, 1 follower
• Today Uwana grows steadily, attracting visitors from sea to sea

If you don’t nurture your vision during the days of small beginnings, you could derail your purpose and thwart God’s tremendous plans for you:

• “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

So what do you think came first, life or purpose?

Copyright © 2012 Uwana.

Greatness is Contagious

Have you been around people who radiate an amazing joie de vivre? They walk into a room and immediately change the atmosphere … they own it! Their infectious spirit spills out into their words and deeds. They infuse the environment with positive energy, speaking life into every situation.

Then again, have you been around folks who are downright moody? A cloud of heaviness hovers over them as they walk, poisoning every conversation. They suck the energy out of every situation, leaving you feeling drained and defeated.

And what about those super inspiring individuals: Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Steve Jobs, Wangari Maathai, Mother Teresa, Gandhi—history makers who have paid a heavy price to advance humanity. Their life stories simply inspire greatness … excellence … a zeal to do better, to be greater.

What do all these people have in common? The free will to choose how they respond to their environment.

Are we products of our environment?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The environment we find ourselves in has a tremendous impact on our physical, mental, and spiritual health.

The science of epigenetics has taught us that what we eat, how we live and love, can alter how our genes behave. Our response to different environmental cues, such as stress, diet, toxins, and media can turn our genes “on” and “off” like a light switch.¹ This means that we have the power to change our genetics through the food we eat, the air we breathe, and even by the way we think.

Exposing our genes to positive environments (eg, a balanced diet, exercise, love, positive thoughts) can switch on “healthy genes” while turning off “disease­­­-promoting genes.” Studies have shown that unhealthy diets can induce changes in the function of our DNA and the DNA of our children.¹ Ancestral exposure to environmental toxins can also affect how subsequent generations respond to stress.²

Iron sharpens iron

Our environment also shapes our character and personal growth and development. After all, “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

To achieve greatness, we must create or associate with environments that are life-affirming and that challenge us to grow. It’s important to connect with individuals who have excelled in our area of interest, which explains why mentorship is so vital for training and raising up future leaders. Storytelling through blogs, art, music, drama, books, movies, and philanthropy is awesome for sharing wisdom and helping others succeed where we have struggled.

To paraphrase Bishop T.D. Jakes, “We need to be around people that make deposits into our lives, not just withdrawals.”

When you walk into a room, are you depositing life or draining life?

Grow yourself:

1. ‘Epigenetics’ Means What We Eat, How We Live And Love, Alters How Our Genes Behave
2. Today’s Environment Influences Behavior Generations Later: Chemical Exposure Raises Descendants’ Sensitivity to Stress
3. The Six Enemies of Greatness (and Happiness)

Copyright © 2012 Uwana.

Emancipate Your Mind

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Unchain your mind
From ignorance
From limitation
From mental slavery

Unshackle your heart
From unforgiveness
From negativity
From fear

Unleash your soul
To the impossible
To purpose
To love

Emancipate your mind
From limited paradigms of yourself

“We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery because whilst others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind … The man who is not able to develop and use his mind is bound to be the slave of the other man who uses his mind …” — Marcus Garvey

Copyright © 2012 Uwana.

Voices

The voice approaches stealthily
whispering discretely
but loud enough to hear
reminding me of my
pitfalls, failures, and weaknesses

A condemning voice
… murmuring:
“You’re nothing”
“You’re worthless”
“You’re not good enough”

But wait … can you hear that?

A much kinder, gentler, liberating voice
… affirming:
“’You’re beautiful”
“You’re valued”
“You’re the apple of my eye”

My heart races, rejoices
Gold deposits in my spirit

It’s a battle for my mind, but
I know my Savior’s voice
The condemner steals
My Savior heals

My Rock, My Ebenezer

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

As you read this post, mediatate on the times in your life when God stepped in and helped you.

When all else fails
and nothingness prevails
When joy fades
and sorrow invades
Seek Jehovah Shalom
He is your peace

When debt encroaches
and the creditor approaches
When rent is due
yet your cheque won’t do
Seek Jehovah Jireh
He is your provider

When the cupboards are bare
and the babies need fare
When you’re far from satiety
as limbo is bliss
Take comfort in El Shaddai
He is your sufficiency

When accusations abound
and prejudice keeps you bound
When your character’s assaulted
causing your self-esteem to falter
Take comfort in Immanuel
He is always with you

When your health is failing
and a loved one is ailing
Instilling a scare
where peace should fare
Have faith in Jehovah Rapha
He is your healer

When failure surfaces
and negativity menaces
Questioning your ability
Cultivating insecurity
Look to El Roi
He sees your worth

Seated on the throne
Yahweh is your stone of help
Awaiting your cry
Be my Ebenezer

Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between the towns of Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (which means “the stone of help”) for he said, “Up to this point the Lord has helped us!” (1 Samuel 7:12).

How to Cure Negative Mindsets

Ignorance … fear of failure … excuses … defeatism
As you think in your heart, so you are
It’s impossible … I can’t … I don’t know how… it’s too late
Break the cycle of negative expressions

Admit mistakes, befriend failure
Take ownership, avoid the blame game
Renew your mind
Free your heart from offence
Release your past
Go boldly into the future

So next time negativity comes knocking:
Change your worldview—brighten your outlook
Stop enumerating problems—find solutions
Pursue SMART goals—specific/measurable/attainable/relevant/timely
Believe: I can do all things through Christ
Declare: I am a blessing to the world

Now the choice is yours … be the solution!

A high and attainable goal and being focused on it, is the best cure for laziness, excuses, offence, and hatred ~ Sunday Adelaja